As it is with a birth, so it is with a death. At first you count the time in days, then weeks, then months and all of a sudden it is a year. Twenty more days and it will be a year of living on my own without the love of my life. Part of me is sad that a year has passed since I hugged him and the other part of me is happy that I made it.

The sadness and joy continues to ebb and flow but it’s shorter times of sorrow and longer times of happiness.

Sometimes I think I can’t go on, like last Sunday morning (when we used to always have our coffee and read the papers), I sat there on the couch in agony and pain feeling the full loss of all he was to me. It was almost as if I couldn’t breath.

Other times I am filled with joy for all he taught me and the gifts he gave me to carry on without him. I am stronger, wiser and appreciate life more as a result of losing him.

I’ll never get over it. All I can do is get on with it.

I keep putting one foot in front of the other and in my mind I keep hearing one of his favorite responses. When people asked how he was doing, he always said, “Slow, but sure”.

Me too.

DeeDee