Many years back I started making miniature party hats and Christmas hats during the Holiday season. They made everyone smile, big, big smiles and twinkly eyes. I sold them for 5 bucks each and have never been able to keep them in stock. I sell out every year. But not this year. I’m sure that is self-explanatory. I look forward to making a huge batch next Holiday Season in 2021. Cross your fingers.

Here are a few photos of last year. Looks like I am a factory, huh? I guess I am.

Even though I have had cut Christmas trees in my life, I really don’t care for them. They are already dead. The trees were lovingly planted and nourished to grow tall and fluffy only to be murdered by an axe. I feel so sad when I see Christmas tree lots and grocery store parking lots full of cut trees. They lie scattered about. No longer alive. Or breathing.

During my 25 years in Los Angeles. I always had living trees in pots. One lasted 18 years and was lovingly decorated year after year until it contracted a nasty fungus and passed on to the forest in the Universe where it will live forever.

Upon moving back to my home state, Texas, ten years ago. I decided that I would create my Christmas trees. They would be works of art. The first one was made of sticks, then others followed. Lamp Shade Tree, Chicken Wire Tree, Wood Dowel Tree, and on and on. I loved them all.

Below are Stick Tree and Lamp Shade Tree. More to come as I find their photos.

Today would be my late husband’s 72nd Birthday. Happiness abounds and I will celebrate my one true love all day and maybe even through the weekend.

My gift to you and the Universe is that I will write a blog post every day in 2021. Stay tuned … No rants … no whines … no ragging … no politics … no religion … just good news … spreading the love.

I am on my 36th day of the quarantine and now have so many ideas, fantasies, dreams and nonsensical stories in my head that I have to let some of them go. My brain is just too crowded and I seek some relief. So from my brain to yours…..

• Every day is like groundhog day with differing degrees of “meh”. This morning I woke up at my usual 4am very depressed with feelings of hopelessness and despair. I knew I had to get out of this pity party and for the last few hours have been working on my psyche. I danced wildly to James Brown, Jackie Wilson, Junior Walker & Allstars and the OJ’s. That was immediate satisfaction. I meditated and fell asleep as usual. Feeling better. I went outside for my morning garden walk searching and finding tiny slivers of joy. Now I am feeling copasetic and cool.

• I am sick of the internet telling me what to eat, what to wear, where to go, how to solve everything, how to fight boredom, how to stay busy, what to cook for dinner, how to keep pets happy and what to feed your chickens. (I made up that part). My chickens with their tiny little brains are always happy.

• I am not amused by people playing stupid games on social media. I seriously do not give a shit about the color of your aura, your white trash name, your angel name, who you look like, what celebrity you would be if you were a celebrity, what flavor your life is, what color you are and bla bla bla. AND it is how you give up all your personal info to hackers.

• Toilet paper seems to be the new currency. People are fighting over it. People please, there are many ways to clean your privates. Toilet paper did not always exist. And what’s the deal with water? Did these people never drink water before the quarantine and shouldn’t they have been washing their hands all along?

• I think Walmart is the new theme park. Parents taking their kids there on a field trip, the day’s outing, adventure, the only place in town to go where you can hang out and see all your friends. And by all means, make sure you can still buy alcohol, cigarettes and guns. What a great combination, huh?

• How many ways do you really need to know how to make masks?

• To those who say, “I’m bored”. Do you not realize that boredom is a choice? and a myth?

“‘I’m bored‘ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you’ve seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you’re alive is amazing, so you don’t get to say ‘I’m bored.'” ~Louis C.K.

“Being bored is a choice. There’s no such thing as boredom in the world. There are only people choosing to be bored.” –Dr. Wayne Dyer

As technology grows, our imagination starts to dwindle. Our imaginations are now tailor made for us, manufactured by the many sources of entertainment. I myself am guilty of the consumption. This means an increase of people choosing boredom. People are unaware of the amazing powers that lie dormant inside them.

You have tremendous, amazing, and astounding creative powers within you. At all times, they are waiting to bubble up to the surface. Waiting for a pen to touch paper or your fingers to touch a keyboard. Waiting for the voice inside to be expressed.

You don’t deserve to be bored. It is a disservice to the creative genius that resides at all times within you. You deserve to know your own greatness. You deserve to be everything you believe that you could ever achieve. Don’t be bored. Be bold.

• I am severely bothered by people who have drank the orange kool-aid and don’t think there is a problem. I dislike social media with a passion but when I do peruse it, it is full of jokes, cartoons, memes, gross inaccuracy and games This is not going away and our life will never be the same. And actually that is a good thing. A chance to make things better. Step up.

• I have been text flirting with a dear person who I was involved with over 45 years ago. He is 80 and I am 70. We live so far away from each other that visiting will probably never happen. But just to have that connection from my past is satisfaction enough. We have such a fun history together and the reminiscing is absolutely tickling my fancy, so to speak. Thanks, Buzzy.

• The weather has been (in the last two weeks) a pluviophile’s dream. Rain, lightning, thunder, hail. I love it. I am suspicious of sunny days. I always think they are hiding something.

• I have repaired and hung about 20 wind chimes. It is a relaxing symphony under my huge oak tree. The other day I was having a Zoom meeting with colleagues and one of them said, “I can’t hear anything. All I hear are wind chimes”. I said, “Oh sorry, it’s me. I’ll move.”

I feel so good now after this release of used brain cells, that I am headed out to the studio to get lost in creativity. I sorely miss all my friends and coworkers. Never knew how important you were to my mental health until now. Please leave me a comment and let me know how you are.

Namaste, DeeDee

“I am like an ant that has gotten into the granary, ludicrously happy, and trying to lug out a grain that is way too big.”
— Rumi, 13th Century Persian Poet (1207-1273)

Wowza, over 6 months since I wrote anything! Guess I just didn’t feel like doing it or I would have. Today I felt my blog calling my name.

So, what condition am I in? Great, to be exact. After two and a half years on my own, I am comfortable with solitude. I no longer remember that I live alone. Seems like I am surrounded with people but they are all in my head and I am having conversations with them. I am never lonely and love living alone.

Here’s how I sum it up. It is a quote by Author, Horacio Jones:

I like being alone. I have control over my own shit. Therefore in order to win me over,  your presence has to feel better than my solitude. You’re not competing with another person, you’re competing with my comfort zones.

I enjoy going into the big city but usually can’t wait to get back home to my little country paradise. After living many years in Los Angeles and Houston, I no longer want to be surrounded by all that noise, anxiety, stress, crime and all those people! Busy, busy, busy at all times.

Okay, granted, I am after all 70 years old and this probably happens to many of us. I have been quite introspective for the last few months. I made it through my third Holiday Season and our birthdays without my love, Steve. But I made it! I have been thinking of him a lot and mostly laughing through tears. It feels good.

My work in the medical world as a Standardized Patient has grown exponentially through the past seven years and I am now also a Teaching Associate for first year medical students at both UT McGovern Med School and Texas A & M Med School. I really enjoy the work. These young medical students are so smart and it is a blessing to get to work with them.

I continue to volunteer usher at two theaters, The George Theatre and Stages Gordy Theater. It is wonderful and I get to enjoy so many wonderful plays. After all my acting with the medical schools, I think I could be an actor, ha ha.

Sadly, I lost “Bird”, my peacock to a wild animal attack. It really made me so sad because he was really Steve’s pet and I always associated Bird with him. The rest of the crew are all alive and well. Red Angeli and Pete Anderson, my 100 pound each dog security team protects me from anyone harmful and will lick your face if you are my friend. My lovable weenie dogs, Harpo and Noodle are pretty much glued to me all the time. They are my couch mates and snuggle up with me to sleep every night. My cats, Melvin Grace and Ms. Bradley are quite the pair. Ms. Bradley weighs 22 pounds, Melvin weighs 11. I can hardly lift Ms. Bradley. She is a tough old girl. My chickens, Bonnie Raitt, Etta James and Diana Krall are fat and happy delivering 3 eggs every day for me to dine on. I continue to feed the deer, squirrels, and birds and occasional bunnies. It’s like Disneyland!

House and property are fine. The house is 8 years old now and still in great shape thanks to my awesome contractor, Larry Whitworth, who is a dear family friend. I try to be pioneer woman and fix things but I am not always successful and have to rely on my neighbor, Sammy, my sister Leigh Ann or my brother, Eddie. All three of them can do ANYTHING! My sister is remodeling one of her rent houses and I go over there occasionally just to learn. Plumbing, electrical, whatever she is working on that day.

No other news to report except that I feel fabulous.

DeeDee

This week all my stars are lined up and visiting me in my dreams. I love it! Thank you Mom, Dad and Steve.

1. Last Sunday was an over 40-year tradition of a family reunion on Mother’s side of the family. Her maiden name was Hans. Nice strong powerful German name. We have all gathered on the first Sunday in June at the same place on Lake Houston to honor our ancestors, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, grandparents, grandchildren and the list goes on. My Mom was one of nine children who all married, had kids, their kids had kids and so on. You do the math.
2. Last Tuesday, June 4^th, was the 41^st anniversary of the marriage to my one and only love. He was here physically for 39 of those years and in spirit for the last two. We had a 39 year first date. Went out on a Saturday night and he never left. His energy is all around me.
3. Today, Thursday, June 6^th, is the 2^nd anniversary of his passing from a physical presence to a spiritual essence. I am not sad but joyous for the time I had with him. I am still in love.
4. This Saturday, June 8^th, would be my Dad’s 95^th birthday. He has been gone for ten years. I miss him but am also full of joy for having him as my father for as long as he lived.

So, All these passed on loved ones have visited me in dreams this week. Mom, Dad, and my dear husband, Steve. AND especially, my husband. He is visiting every night this week so far!

My parents and my husband are all young in my dreams. I was telling my sister about that and she said, “That’s because they are in heaven.” I love this.

Yesterday, when I turned into my driveway after an extremely stormy day, the sun popped out and a magnificent butterfly guided me all the way to my door. He is still looking after me. Thanks, Bub.

Namaste, DeeDee

 

After being seriously depressed for December, January and February, I feel like my head is above water and I am splashing about in some form of joy, soaking wet.

I simply could not get off the couch for those three months. I was stuck. So …… I abandoned my spot on the living room couch, which is oh so comfortable and moved to the couch in my office which becomes uncomfortable after an hour, so I have no choice but to get up.

I forced myself to take action. I applied to be a volunteer at Memorial Hermann Hospital for the position of a field grief counselor. I also applied to volunteer to Jesse Jones Nature Park near my home. A beautiful 300 acre park with native plants and animals. A beautiful creek flows through it. It is a special, spiritual, calm place to be and I love it there.

I was accepted to both positions. This adds to my other volunteer jobs. Volunteer ushering at Stages Theater and The George Theatre. I get to see the plays for free just by showing patrons to their seat. All of these volunteer opportunities gives me the feeling of being part of something. I needed a reason to be here. Having people counting on you keeps you moving forward.

Last week was the best week I have had this year. I met with my first grief counselor patient on Friday. She is an 80 year old firecracker that is a spry 80 pounds, if that. We bonded immediately. I visited for 2 hours and when I left she gave me a kiss and a hug, saying, “I already love you”. What an angel. Another reason why I am here.

I also found out last week that I was selected to train to be a Teaching Associate at Texas A & M Medical School. I felt on top of the world!

Also last week, I needed $800.00 to pay land taxes and I did not have it. What to do? I was going to borrow from my savings which I hate, hate to do because it seems like it never gets put back. Well, surprise, surprise, I received a check from one of my medical school jobs that completely covered it. Thank you Universe.

I guess I received enough positive reinforcement last week to last for a while. After losing my husband of 40 years, I often wonder why I am here. I guess I know for now. People need me as much as I need them.

DeeDee

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.      — Rumi

You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.
— Anne Lamott