Day 70. Ten weeks gone by since I lost my best friend. I am actually doing okay. I have my moments but I am still joyous and grateful for the 39 years I got with my soul mate. He is within this house and within me.

I still get little signs that he is around. Some very touching and loving and some just straight out hilarious. Really? A pecan shell in my shoe? He loved pecans and constantly snacked on them.

I have given away some drums, shirts, shoes and jeans. It felt really good. One set to Willie Ornelas and another to Tony Braunagel. Both LA residents. They are some of Steve’s oldest friends (besides those few people he still knew from first grade). They go all the way back to their teens. Loyal, beautiful friends who support me in every step of this new journey.

As far as feeding all the animals, I have changed Steve’s tedious, time consuming feeding ritual with automatic feeders and a camera system to monitor them when I am away. They seem happy and realize it is just me and them now. The peacock, “Bird” has starting eating from my hand now, which he had never done before. He preferred Steve to me!

I am back and busy with my acting gig. It keeps me busy and provides that social interaction that I so need. I am used to being alone now but miss our long conversations where we solved all the world’s problems.

As far as my artwork and flute playing…. well, I just can’t bring myself to do any of it. I know it will change and I can feel that change coming. Today I picked up the flute and played “You are my Sunshine”. It always makes me feel better and puts a smile on my face.

I am zig zagging forward, never straight, and I am feeling alright.

DeeDee