When other people suffer misfortune, we feel sorry for them. But do we? Okay, I’ll make it easy for you. I have at times felt secretly pleased when others fail. There I said it. I used to berate myself for feeling this way until I discovered that it is not only biological but according to psychology, we all feel this way sometimes and it is part of being human.

There is even a word for it. Schadenfreude: pleasure caused by the misfortunes of others. This is a german word. The equivalent for it in the english language is, epicaricacy, but I like how schadenfruede just rolls off the tongue.

So why do we feel this way? Much of our lives involve competition and sometimes we gain from other people’s misfortunes. Just as Napolean said, “Never interrupt an enemy when they are making a mistake.” Schadenfreude has the potential for leveling the competition. Any sympathy that we might feel for the other person mixes with the effects of some benefit that might come our way.

It happens in politics, in sports, etc  — winning and losing. When our team wins we are happy that the other team lost but are sad when we lose and the other team wins.  When bombs rain down on places thousands of miles away. We don’t even think about the people in harm’s way. We feel pleasure at a rival group’s expense.

Schadenfreude is a natural feeling and there is little use in berating ourselves over it. We all experience it throughout life. It seems to be somewhat more acceptable if we see that the person brought the misfortune on themselves.

And that brings me to gluckschmerz — the unhappiness we feel due to others successes. Yes, I have experienced this as well. Again, a totally normal human response. Instead of feeling good, we feel bad and move from enjoying the suffering of others to the lousy feelings we have for ourselves when others succeed.

The underlying issue here is that in both schadenfreude and gluckschmerz, our self-esteem is involved. In schadenfreude, we pat ourselves on the back that we did not suffer this misfortune, thus stroking our ego, while in feeling gluckschmerz we tell ourselves we are not good enough or not worthy.

There is no escaping our ego. It is the tenderest part of ourselves. All we can do is to create a balance that is full of compassion and understanding of all others and of ourselves.

Just remember to feel as you feel but don’t beat yourself up over it. It is only human.

DeeDee